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Author Archives: Alexis Tomarken
May 28, 2020 by Alexis Tomarken
“Hello, Can You Hear Me?”: Therapy on Zoom
“Hello, can you hear me?”
Teletherapy with each of my patients in my psychology practice begins with this hourly ritualistic greeting. But I have come to hear this seemingly innocuous question as a Mayday signal for the stranded desertion many of us are feeling right now. It’s a plea to be heard in the eerie silence of our homes, streets, playgrounds and schools, akin to “Hello, is there anyone out there?”
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March 23, 2020 by Alexis Tomarken
Even in Isolation, Don’t Forget to Say Goodnight
On my morning commute to my psychotherapy practice, I overhear two young women on the F train. ”What if I get sick, will you help me with the kids?” The other says, “We’re all on our own with this.” The first drops her head, “Right, yes. We are on our own.”
Medical containment of COVID-19, defined by social distancing and voluntary quarantines, is isolation from others who may be a threat to your existence.
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June 15, 2018 by Alexis Tomarken
Suicide Survivorship: The Risks of Silence and Shame
This week, one cherub-faced, auburn-eyed child of seven asks me, “Why doesn’t anyone talk to me about my dad?” Precocious and pained, this little girl became a suicide survivor last year when her father ended his life.
She is just beginning to unravel the details of what happened to him. At the same time, she has had to absorb the collateral damage from the loss of family and friends that often accompanies news of a suicide. She is discovering too young that people turn away from suicide and suicide survivors. As a grief specialist, I know vividly this story of social isolation ––and the little girl’s longing to be heard and held.
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