The Lilith Blog

October 10, 2007 by admin

I Am Woman, Hold My Torah

The observance of the Simchat Torah holiday, the time when Jews celebrate the end and beginning of the Torah reading cycle, was particularly celebratory — and historically significant – this year. It marked what is believed to be the first ever women’s Torah reading on the Lower East Side of Manhattan – and it was the first time I have ever layned [chanted] from the Torah. That may not seem momentous for those of you of a Reform or Conservative bent, or even from more progressive Modern Orthodox circles, but for the Lower East side’s uber-traditional Jewish community, which doesn’t even have a Conservative synagogue, it was a big deal. Big enough of a deal that the rabbi of a neighboring shul made a (clearly defensive) joke about us needing another woman for a minyan (the fact that that seems a ridiculous, funny notion to him just shows the extent of his traditionalism, and, for the record, we didn’t.) It was a big enough deal that when my mother reported back to the women at her synagogue, one more typical for the neighborhood than mine, about having gone to the reading at the Stanton Street Shul — the thing that excited them most, the thing they wanted to talk about more than the actual reading was what it was like to actually hold the Torah.

In my mother’s synagogue, as is the case in most Orthodox synagogues I’ve been to, when the Torah is taken out of the ark, a man walks it around the men’s section while the women all clamor over to the mechitza trying to stick their prayerbooks over the partition to touch and kiss the Torah. At the Stanton Street Shul, thanks to Rabbi Yossi Pollak, the Torah is actually passed to a woman and carried through the women’s section, so I and the other women in the congregation get to hold the Torah on a regular basis.

But I was reminded in particular what a big deal the carrying of the Torah can be the night before our historic reading. On the night of Simchat Torah, during the hakafot, the seven revolutions made dancing and singing with the Torah, many synagogues, including Stanton Street, take the last Hakafa outside. It’s a very public statement, which inevitably draws gawkers from the neighborhood, wondering what this strange spectacle of Jews dancing and singing with strange scrolls is all about. I even noticed a guy snapping a photo on his camera phone. His lens was trained on the circle of men — some of whom were hasidim who had walked over the Williamsburg bridge to help make merry — but we women had our own dancing circle and we drew interest, too.

One of the bystanders, a woman I would estimate to be in her mid-40s, looking a little rough around the edges – which is not untypical for the non-Jewish, non-gentrified segment of the neighborhood’s population — approached our little group and said, in a thick New York accent, “I’ve never seen a woman holding a Torah before.” Her name, she said, was Sarah (pronounced the Yiddish way), and she proceeded to tell us that she had grown up Orthodox, had gone to right-wing Orthodox girls’ yeshivot, and had been disowned by her father for marrying a non-Jew. Many years had obviously passed since then, and she didn’t look like they had been easy on her. I couldn’t help thinking, perhaps self-righteously, that if, as a girl, she had seen women holding the Torah, things might have been different.

–Rebecca Honig Friedman

The Lilith Blog

October 3, 2007 by admin

Food and Remembrance

Food and grief go together in the Jewish tradition. Shiva, the seven day period that begins after a funeral, begins with seudat havra’ah, “the meal of consolation,” and gifts other than food are discouraged. We eat to feel comforted in a time of loss. We eat to have something to do. We eat to share a moment of normalcy with friends and family in a time of grief.

On the other hand, it almost goes without saying, food and joy (simcha) also go together. A Brooklyn friend of mine, Nina Callaway, is combining the two.

On her blog, she wrote:

“The 10-year anniversary of my mother’s death from cancer is coming up, and to honor her, I’ve conceived of a unique fundraising project – Pieathon! – which will raise money to support low-income cancer patients.I, Nina Callaway will bake pies for a heck of a long time – over 24 hours of solid baking. Delicious pumpkin, pecan, and sugar cream pies for your Thanksgiving table, with Nina’s patented amazing homemade crust. People who believe in supporting cancer patients will sponsor me by the hour of baking.”

I think Nina’s Pie-a-thon is nothing short of amazing. Her day will undoubtedly be emotional and exhausting, but I can’t think of a better way to honor her mother’s life, a mom whom she describes as a great cook with an intense sweet tooth. As Nina rolls out the dough, fills the shells with sweet fillings, and pulls warm, fragrant pies out of the oven, she will raise not only money, but memory as well.

To sponsor Nina or purchase a pie, go to http://www.pieathon.blogspot.com/.

–Leah Koenig

The Lilith Blog

October 2, 2007 by admin

The Battle of the Sexes in Israel

Two controversial decisions are being made in Israel right now regarding the equality of the sexes.

The news that encompasses more of the country is that an Israeli Defense Forces commission called for the full integration of women into the Israeli army, causing a stir among both military officials who believe the move could detract from the military’s effectiveness and from religious Zionists concerned with the modesty issues that a fully integrated military will present.

Affecting a more specific Israeli niche but causing just as much if not more of a stir, however, is the news that the Israeli courts are considering an even more complex change — whether or not to give women going through a divorce automatic custody of young children, as has been the practice since 1962, or to award joint custody to both parents.

This change would make Israel’s custody practices match those of most Western countries, including the U.S., and would seem to be based on the same principles of egalitarianism and gender equality that inspired the idea of fully integrating the IDF and for which women so often fight — yet women’s rights groups are up in arms about it.

The problem is that what would seem like a no-brainer for most “Westernized” countries, is not so for Israel where, when it comes to marriage and divorce, there is no distinction between religious and secular law. Feminist groups argue that Israel’s divorce courts are so inherently gender-biased — and against women — that imposing so-called gender equality in this one aspect of divorce proceedings — the one aspect in which women are actually favored — will only make divorce proceedings even more difficult for women. The details of a joint custody agreement need to be worked out as part of overall divorce negotiations and the fear is that this change will give recalcitrant husbands even more leverage to slow down divorce proceedings. As Dr. Ruth Halperin-Kaddari, chairwoman of the Rackman Center for the Advancement of the Status of Women, told the Jerusalem Post in January, when this issue was first being examined:

“In the Western world, where divorce is a civil legal regulation, it is gender neutral,” she elaborates. “There is no question of whether the divorce will be granted, it will always be granted, the question is just when? However, in the case of Jewish law, which is the case in the State of Israel, there is an infrastructure of discrimination against women. In terms of divorce, men have control over the woman’s ability to open a new phase in her life. He can move on and start a new family, but for women there is the fear of her future children being considered mamzerim. “All talk of gender neutrality is hollow here, it is a false concept.”

The reform in the law was recommended by a committee headed by the former dean of the Tel Aviv University School of Social Work, Professor Dan Schnit. Surely Prof. Schnit and his committee based their recommendations on sociological findings that joint custody is better for children overall — and women’s rights groups aren’t necessarily arguing with those findings. Rather, they’re saying that the divorce courts in Israel need a major overhaul before this particular change can be beneficially implemented.

Yet there are those who argue that parenting styles are becoming more egalitarian in Israel, and that changing this one aspect of the system can affect the overall ethos of parenting further still, encouraging men to play more of a significant role in the lives of their children, and allowing women more time and energy to work and move on with their own lives rather than focusing solely on their young children.

Without knowing more about the details of Israeli divorce law than I do, it’s hard to say what is right for sure. But the salient point that comes out of this debate, particularly in light of women’s more positive reaction to the recommendation to integrate the IDF, is an important one — that the value of egalitarianism, which we tend to espouse as universally to the good, might not always be so. Call it moral relativism – I prefer to think of it as humility – but context has proven to be, if not everything, a very big something indeed.

–Rebecca Honig Friedman

The Lilith Blog

September 26, 2007 by admin

Get a Piece

What do you get when you cross sexy, meat-eschewing superstars with an attention hungry activist organization? PETA’s first ever “naked veggie testimonial PSA.”

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animal’s new flesh-filled campaign features Alicia Silverstone saying very little (and wearing less). She hops out of a pool, purrs about the benefits of being a vegetarian, and stares seductively into the camera.

In a similar ad for “ABC” (Animal Birth Control) – burlesque star Dita Von Teese clicks down a hallway in a busty corset and high heels while discussing the joys and responsibility of owning pets and the evils of euthanasia.”

PETA is no stranger to sensational “literature.” With their famous “I’d rather go naked than wear fur” campaign of years past and a long lineup of buxom spokesmen and women – including Pam Anderson of Baywatch fame – you’d think PETA’s goal for 2007 is to convince college frat boys to go vegetarian.

As an impressionable college freshman I was swayed by a PETA pamphlet, which (accurately) portrayed horrific scenes of industrial meat production. After flipping through the color pictures of chickens having their beaks seared off and shoved into cages and cows – bound and broken – lying in their own filth before being taken off to slaughter, I swore I would never eat meat, eggs, or milk again. While I’m no longer a vegan (I prefer to support those farmers who produce milk and eggs without torturing their animals rather than entirely eliminate dairy and eggs from my diet), those PETA images are permanently seared (no pun intended) into my brain. It’s powerful stuff.

Unfortunately – and I’m actually shocked that I need to make such an obvious point – objectifying women’s bodies to spread their message of animal welfare smacks of hypocrisy. The connection between mistreating animals and mistreating women is elucidated in books like Carol J. Adam’s book The Sexual Politics of Meat. By using sex to sell their ethics, PETA simply swaps one “piece of meat” for another.

Additionally, while the sexy tactics might garner immediate attention (all press is good press?), they could ultimately alienate their progressive members and open themselves up for easy dismissmal from critics. At this point in their organizational history, I’d expect PETA to move beyond cheap tricks.

See the new PETA ads here: Alicia and Dita.

–Leah Koenig

The Lilith Blog

September 21, 2007 by admin

Madonna and Kabbalah

Madawna? She loves us!

In case it wasn’t already apparent, it is now officially official – Judaism is so hot right now.

Madonna, the queen of hot-right-now, has announced herself an “ambassador of Judaism,” to Shimon Peres, no less.

Oy, what would Golda Meir think?

Madonna — excuse me, Esther — has been into Kabbalah for years now, and was in Israel for a Jewish mysticism conference. She brought along the rest of her mystical crew, too, including fellow celebrity Kabbalists Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Rosie O’Donnell and Donna Karan (actually Jewish I believe), and of course Madonna’s hubby, film director Guy Ritchie, known for making spiritual British comedies like “Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels” and “Snatch.”

Public opinion is still out on the age-old question, is it good for the Jews or bad for the Jews?
And is Madonna an ambassador we want?

I say, sure, why not? First of all, we could do far worse than Madonna. From a pure marketing standpoint, anyone who can popularize the wearing of cone-shaped bras is someone you want on your side.

Were I a Kabbalist I might be feel differently. I might be concerned about the watering down of Kabbalah. But I’m not. Growing up as a strongly affiliated Jew, I was always taught the whole only-Torah-scholars-over-forty learn Kabbalah song and dance, and that its mystical teachings have little to do with the mundane practice of Judaism. And that’s been okay for me. But for many other Jews these days, especially for those who are not as strongly affiliated, Kabbalah is a way in, a way to connect. And that’s the point. Anyone concerned with the future of Judaism and the Jewish people should agree that drawing more Jews into the fold -– or one of the many folds in the fabric of Jewish life — is a good thing. And the danger of the entirety of Judaism turning into merely a bastardized version of Kabbalah is slim to none.

Besides, Hollywood’s newish obsession with Kabbalah has less to do with Judaism and more to do with the Hollywood: As Madonna told Peres in their tête-à-tête, “You don’t know how popular the Book of Splendor is among Hollywood actors. . . . Everyone I meet talks to me only about that.” (Perhaps she may bore of it sooner than we think).

Thus the more pressing question — is all this spirituality good for celebrities or bad for celebrities? Well, Ashton Kutcher claims Kabbalah has made him a better actor (from “Punk’d” to purified?), but imagine all the pressure the average Hollywood actor must be feeling: Do I now have to become spiritual? Will studying Kabbalah make me a better actor, too? Will I be seen as somehow “less-then” if I do not visit a Middle Eastern country?

It can be daunting, but oh so fulfilling, even for Madonna who seems to have done it all. Said the former Material Girl to Shimon Peres, “I can’t believe that I’m celebrating the new year with you in Israel. . . .It’s a dream come true.”
Swoon.

And scene.

–Rebecca Honig Friedman

The Lilith Blog

September 19, 2007 by admin

Glean

Sukkot is coming up next week. As a self-described natural Jew, I love this harvest holiday. I love decorating a sukkah with gourds and juicy apples (or in the case of my friend Julie’s sukkah two years ago, Jackson Pollack-style splash paint). I love that it’s a time of year when Jews unabashedly sniff citrus fruit and beat palm fronds on the ground. I love that we pray for rain.

It’s also a time of year when I start to think about gleaning – which, as a non-farmer I admit feels a little weird, but actually couldn’t be more relevant. As we learn from Ruth’s story (which is read on another Jewish harvest holiday, Shavuot), the Jewish mitzvah of pe’ah commands that farmers leave the corners of their field to the poor.

This might sound like an amazing act of tzedakah, and I have no quibble with that. But on the other hand, it also just makes sense. This time of year, many farmers (at least the smaller-scale, family farms that I work with) have an embarrassing amount of food. The summer crops are tapering off with final bursts of tomatoes and beans, while the fall crop of beets, potatoes, and squash are just fat enough for the first harvest. You might just say that there is just too much food. Pe’ah evens things out, ensuring that the hungry have enough to eat and the farmer enjoys extra hands in the harvest.

Granted, this is a completely romanticized version of what may or may not actually happened in Biblical Israel, but the notion of it is still powerful. My good friend Anna loves to say that the best kind of answers are the ones that accidentally solve a problem you didn’t know you were asking. I think pe’ah is like that.

Many synagogues across the country have started pairing up with local farms for “modern day pe’ah” where they get a group of people together to harvest the corners of the field and donate it to a local food pantry or shelter. Check out for farms in your area (here’s a good place to start looking, and here’s another) and give them a ring – there’s a good chance they’ll appreciate the extra help!

–Leah Koenig

The Lilith Blog

September 17, 2007 by admin

Rabbis Are People, Too, Even the Abusive Ones

In his pre-Rosh Hashana Editor’s Note, Baltimore Jewish Times editor Neil Rubin reflected on what he learned in the wake of breaking the story about rampant sexual abuse in the Baltimore community. In particular, Rubin and his paper were criticized for printing the name of one alleged serial offender, the revered, deceased Rabbi Ephraim Shapiro, and accusing him of molesting dozens of boys over the course of a couple decades.

The story rocked Baltimore and the entire Jewish community, but it didn’t start there and it doesn’t end there. Numerous other cases of serial sexual abuse by rabbis have emerged in the last few years. Many of these incidents involve the molestation of children, but several—two in particular that have been in the news lately—involve the alleged abuse of adult women by rabbis who, the women claim, used their status as rabbis-to-be-trusted to manipulate them into having a sexual relationship.

The shock and devastation that always comes when one hears about people one trusts doing horrific things is compounded by the fact that these offenders carry the title rabbi. Because by virtue of having this title, these men would seem to have the Jewish establishment’s stamp of spiritual approval, as it were, and in their showing themselves to be wholly unfit—spiritually and morally—that stamp would seem to have been the invalidated. It is enough to call one’s faith in Judaism into question, and no doubt has done so for many of those who have been personally abused. But if there is a bright side to these scandals coming to light, it is that they remind us of the true nature of rabbis – that they are people, too, just like the rest of us.

In this day and age, bearing the title “rabbi” simply means one has acquired a certain body of knowledge, not that he or she is inherently any more spiritual, purer, or closer to God than someone who doesn’t bear that title.

Sure, it’s not just a degree, the way a medical doctor is not just the holder of an M.D. Just as we hold our doctors to a certain standard of decorum, we expect that rabbis should conform to a certain moral code. But by Jewish law, we are all subject to that same moral code. And we all have the potential to acquire the same knowledge, and rise to the same spiritual level that we expect from a “rabbi.” In fact, Jewish rituals do not require rabbis, just educated Jews. Rabbis are not necessary to our spiritual endeavors as Jews; they are supplementary.

I’m not saying we should not respect our rabbis or that we should not trust them. Rather, we should remember that they, like the rest of us, are fallible human beings, that they, too, can succumb to the corruptions of power—and of the flesh, and that respectfully questioning authority—whether it be of rabbis, doctors, professors, parents, etc.—is a healthy thing to do.

For more information about rabbi abuse and what you can do about it, check out the Awarewess Center, www.theawarenesscenter.org

–Rebecca Honig Friedman

The Lilith Blog

September 12, 2007 by admin

Date Honey

Last week, I got a call from my boyfriend’s mother as I was walking to my local co-op. “Yosh’s dad and I went to a shiur yesterday.” she told me. “It was about honey and how the honey referred to in “the land of milk and honey,” was actually made of dates, and not from bees. I thought about you the whole time.”

I was touched that she thought of me and more than willing to oblige when she asked if I would scout around New York to pick up some date honey for Rosh Hashanah, which I am spending with their family. Unfortunately, it turns out date honey is hard to find. I tried the co-op – lots of raw, fair trade honey, but the closest thing to date honey was a fancy jar of fig jam tied with twine. I popped into the fancy cheese shop near my apartment – no luck. I even tried the mother of all supermarkets, Fairway, whose aisles are crammed with jar after jar of exotic honey, preserves, and maple syrup….but no date honey. The floor manager told me they used to carry it, but had discontinued it several years ago.

Still, I was determined to produce some date honey for this important family gathering. So, after another trip to the co-op where I picked up some plump Medjool dates, and a few test rounds in my kitchen, I made my own date honey, darn-it! Turns out, it’s much easier to make than to find.

By the way, there is an interesting story in the Jerusalem Post last week, about archaeologists discovery of the oldest known apiary (bee hive colony) in the Beit She’an Valley. The discovery of these hives, which date back to the 10th and 9th century BCE, suggest that perhaps honey wasn’t the exclusive sweetener of the holy land. Even so, I enjoyed the journey and the opportunity to try something new (and also ancient) for Rosh Hashanah.

Date Honey
Yield: about 1 cup of gooey, fragrant date honey
•8 dates – make sure you buy the fat, sticky Medjool dates (The smaller, harder Delget dates won’t work)
•Juice of 1⁄2 a lemon, remove the seeds
•1⁄2 cup water
•4 pieces crystallized ginger, finely chopped
•1⁄4 cup Agave syrup (don’t worry, this is easy to find at Whole Foods or health food stores)
Remove the pit from the dates and quarter them. Mash the dates with a fork into a paste-like consistency. Add the date mash to a small sauce pan. Add the lemon juice and ¼ cup of water and heat over a low flame, stirring frequently with a whisk or wooden spoon (about 3 minutes). After the water is absorbed, add the remaining water, agave syrup and crystallized ginger. The mash should take on a slightly more liquid quality, like apple butter. Continue stirring, adding small amounts of additional water and Agave syrup as necessary until you reach the taste and consistency you like.
Let cool and serve with slices of Ginger Gold, Honey Crisp apples (or any apple you like).

–Leah Koenig

The Lilith Blog

September 7, 2007 by admin

Torah Written by Women for…Everyone

These are some extremely exciting times for women who care about the Torah. First it was announced that “The Torah: A Women’s Commentary” — the first comprehensive commentary on the Torah written completely by women — will be published this December, a significant accomplishment fifteen years in the making. For most of us, that would have been enough — Dayenu! — but not for Jen Taylor Friedman, a female scribe who has just — drumroll, please — completed the first known Torah scroll written by a woman! Commissioned by the United Hebrew Congregation in St. Louis — “the first congregation west of the Mississippi” — the Torah has been in the works since June 2006, as part of the synagogue’s Torah Alive! project.

In a press release about the event, Taylor, who is only 27 — which I imagine to be a rather young age for any scribe of a Torah scroll — is quick to focus on the mitzvah-oriented nature of her accomplishment, rather than its feminist implications:

“The Torah is at the root of what shapes my days. The laws I live by are derived from the words in this scroll. Having written every one of them, I have a closer relationship with what’s at the heart of my Judaism,” says Taylor Friedman.

“For any scribe, finishing your first Torah is something like getting your Ph.D. It’s something you’ve worked a long time for, and worked very hard on. From a personal Jewish perspective, it is a mitzvah for every Jew to write a Torah scroll of his or her own.”

[…]

“I wrote a Torah because I wanted to write a Torah, not because I wanted to make a big feminist statement,” Taylor Friedman says. “The first-woman aspect is an enjoyable component instead of the central achievement.”

The downplay of the feminist statement is underscored by the fact that the Torah was commissioned by an already-egalitarian Reform congregation, and would almost certainly not be considered “kosher” for use by Orthodox standards. Thus it really is a great and significant accomplishment by a woman, but not necessarily a huge step for the Jewish feminist cause. Friedman has proven that a woman can physically write a Torah — which should never have been doubted in the first place, but surely was by some of the more backward-thinking members of the wider Jewish community — but she has not succeeded in getting the writing of a Torah by a woman sanctioned by those who have, and still do, disapprove of it. However, all in good time.

Friedman does at least have the approval of Orthodox feminists. She (and her Torah?) will participate in a discussion about women and the Torah this Sunday at the Drisha Institute, “the world’s first center for women’s advanced study of classical Jewish texts,” in Manhattan. The Torah scroll will officially be installed in the United Hebrew Congregation on October 3rd, Simchat Torah, and will be replacing a worn, 200-year-old scroll.

If you need some inspiration this High Holiday season, think about that.

–Rebecca Honig Friedman

UPDATE:

From Jen Taylor Friedman herself, a correction about the success of acceptance of female-scripted Torah scrolls (namely, for the moment, hers) in the Modern Orthodox community:

“I have, actually. I wrote an extensive halakhic article justifying women writing Torah, and it’s to be published in the next issue of the Edah journal as-was, now Meorot. That constitutes getting the idea accepted (or sanctioned, if you like) as a legitimate halakhic position by the Modern Orthodox mouthpiece, and it’s pretty wow, in my opinion. As you imply, a good deal more wow than just writing a Torah. Much less iconic, but much more significant.”

The Lilith Blog

September 6, 2007 by admin

Kitchen Tshuvah

Rosh Hashanah always sneaks up on me.  Every year I tell myself that I’m going to engage in serious self-preparation for the holiday – take time granted me (the month of Elul) to reflect on my spiritual self, write lists of goals for the coming year, and engage in a sincere process of apology and forgiveness with my friends, family, and God.  Nearly every year, I find myself in synagogue on Erev Rosh Hashanah, feeling slightly bewildered and attempting a crash course in tshuvah.

I think one of the main problems – aside from being busy – is that self reflection isn’t easy stuff.  It’s emotional and complicated – and hopeful too, but one often has to go through a lot of processing before reaching that point.  More than that, the thought of turning inward and repenting for everything all at once can seem so overwhelming.    

So this year, I’ve decided to focus my tshuvah on one place – my kitchen.  The word tshuvah is often translated as “repentance,” but it can also be thought of as returning to one’s best self.  For me – and many other women (and men) – the kitchen and all it symbolizes is a gateway to many other parts of life (family, eating and overeating/under-eating, connection to the land, caring for others, care of myself, building community etc.) 

In practice I’ve been thinking a lot about the ways I can “return to my best self” when it comes to food.  I’ve been thinking about the places where I do not live up to my own desire to eat healthily and sustainably – the times when I choose to buy a slice of pizza because I forgot to pack a lunch the night before – the times I didn’t invite friends over for dinner, or purchased non-local produce from the supermarket because the farmers’ market was a longer bike ride away.  I made dates with friends to start a weekly, rotational dinner co-op after the chagim (High Holidays) – not for Shabbat, just a time when one person commits to cook dinner for everyone else and we get together and enjoy each other’s company.  It seems so simple – but enjoying the blessing of sharing meals with others is one of the things lacking most in my life.

On a very practical level, I finally purchased glass containers for all those spices and grains I buy in bulk and leave heaped in plastic bag piles in my cupboards.  I also cleaned out my refrigerator, and acquired a few new cookbooks to inspire me in the coming year.     

I still have a long way to go before the season of tshuvah is over, but I can’t help but feel that if I have my “kitchen” (broadly defined) in order, that the rest of me will be at least slightly more centered, grounded, and ready for the New Year.